It’s undokai time. Normally translated as sports day, undokai is more like a cross between a high school hazing circa 1984 and games time at the family picnic. In other words, undokai is weird.

My favourite event has to be the human pyramid, wherein five 13-year-old boys lock arms so that three 12-year-old boys can shimmy up their backs so that one 11-year-old boy can perch himself on top, after which the entire pyramid stands up and lowers itself back down. A magnificent display of teamwork when all goes to plan, which it does with surprising regularity, the human pyramid is still an idiotic thing for 12-year-old boys to be doing on school time.

My next favourite event is the wedge-your-butt-crack-into-neighbours-knee-forming-a-big-circle-and-everyone-falling-down-with-a-whoop-and-a-hollar event. It is, sadly, exactly as it sounds.

The kids also elect team leaders whose job it is to run chant practice. The chant is an elaborate affair involving an empty oil barrel painted the team colours, dancing and yelling, clapping and singing. It runs about five minutes, is usually broken into five or six parts and is taken very, very seriously. Even the teachers cry when they lose.

Like I was saying, undokai is weird.