The Japanese may be cultured, but even they aren't above laying claim to the worlds largest insert-really-big-such-and-such. In Nara, it's a fourteen meter bronze Buddha housed in a gargantuan wooden temple. Built in the eighth century, the temple complex of Todaiji is a gloriously faded treasure trove of things not to do. "Don't walk on the grass." "No group photos on the walkway." "No gum." "No scribbles." In apparent defiance of the regulations, a twenty minute line of children waits patiently for the chance to wiggle through a hole in one of the temple support beams. Successful little devils supposedly get a go straight to heaven card; should they squeeze through, then not even vandalism against the world's largest grasshopper will see them writhing in eternal damnation.

More entertaining – although no shorter on rules (I especially like the one that states, in essence, "no funny lookin' people allowed") – is Universal Studios Japan, located on a piece of reclaimed land in Osaka Bay. It rained the day we went, which actually worked to our benefit, as there wasn't as big a crowd. Near the end of the day, it was possible to take rides back-to-back, without any wait what-so-ever. Personal favourite: Jurassic Park. The fireworks were a fan-diddly-tastic end to ter-diddly-iffic day.

And then what else? Well, we boarded the shinkansen (really fast train) to Himeji, wherein squats the most beautiful castle in Japan. We spent a couple hours in the castle, which has a nice museum and, from the top floor, absolutely stunning views of Himeji City. Once back at sea level, we admired the towering white walls, the fact that they were first erected in 1601 under order of Ikeda Terumasa, the quite capable son-in-law of Tokugawa Ieyasu, then ruler of Japan, and took 25 million man-days to complete. I think you'll agree: that's a lot of man days. Still admiring, we ate a Japanese boxed lunch and kicked at the pigeons. Not counting the stupid pigeons, a good time was had by all.